Lost Dreams

Why is it the shortest weeks always feel like the longest? It’s only been a four day week, yet it felt like Friday would never get here! Well, it’s finally arrived, and with it comes Friday Fictioneers! So sit back and enjoy the story.

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Copyright: Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

Lost Dreams

Her house was full of them – large shelves of strange little objects, odds and ends, bits and bobs.

“You like them, child?” Nina jumped at the sound of a croaky voice.

“Ms. Bethel! I-I’m sorry. I just wanted to look.” She didn’t know what possessed her to sneak into the old woman’s house day after day, but it was only a matter of time before she had been caught.

“It’s alright, dearie. What do you see?”  The child could see, Ms. Bethel knew. She had the gift.

“They look…” Nina trailed off. “They feel – sad.”

“Lost dreams usually are, child.”

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20 thoughts on “Lost Dreams

  1. Lovely story – mysterious and kind of sad.
    I’m thinking it’s Mrs Bethel whose dreams are lost – maybe she’s too old to realise them, or maybe she’s lost a child and with it the child’s dreams or Mrs Bethel’s dreams for the child?
    See, it’s got me thinking 🙂

    1. 🙂 Thank you. Honestly, I had been thinking of Ms. Bethel as an ancient lady, collecting the lost dreams of people – like a forgotten fairy godmother, sort of mystical. I like your thoughts on it though. Glad my story could provoke such thoughts!

  2. Lovely, as always. I love Ms. Bethel. Rickety old ladies that say things like “dearie” and “child” always give me the heeby geebies. I totally pictured this in a bayou kind of area. Like her house looked more like a shop than a house, full of things hanging from the ceiling, like you said kind of mystical. I got all that imagery just from her verbage. Amazing Tiffany! I always love your Friday Fictioneers 🙂

    1. Haha, it’s like you read my mind. That’s totally the image I was getting of her. Like she is sort of other-worldly. She gave me the heeby geebies too. Nina couldn’t help herself however. Something about the mystical called to her.
      😀 Thank you! It’s always nice to get comments like this…shows me I am doing something right! 😀

  3. It’s a good scene, but you shift point of view from Nina to Mrs Bethel halfway through. Be careful not to jump between different characters’ thoughts within the same scene.

    1. Good point – I hadn’t noticed that. Though does it work if the POV is omniscient? Perhaps though, it would be more powerful using just one character’s POV. Thanks for the feedback!

      1. If you pick up any current book on writing it will tell you that the omniscient POV is lazy. At one time it was the norm but nowadays there are few publishers or editors that would allow it. If I hadn’t been taught that it is wrong I probably wouldn’t have noticed, though.

        I think the scene can work from just one character’s POV. I’d suggest Mrs Bethel. You can still show Nina’s thoughts – Mrs Bethel can see how she reacts and deduce what she is thinking.

      2. Hmmm, sounds like it’s just gone out of style for the moment. I personally like reading omniscient, but maybe that’s just me.
        I think your suggestion is a good one though – I think I could still have the tone I wanted to capture by just writing from Ms. Bethel’s POV. Again, thanks for the suggestions.

  4. Lovely! So much atmosphere is so few words!

    Having read the comment above, I remember the very first feedback I got on my writing was about the dangers of “sliding POV”! I actually didn’t notice it as I was reading the story. It is good to be aware of, as you move onto longer stories/novels, and in most cases single POV does tighten the story.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this piece though! Great tension and intrigue and very sensitively done. I got the heebie geebies too! I’ll be back next Friday for more!! 🙂

    1. Thank you!

      It is really hard to notice, especially when you’re writing it and posting it in the same day. There’s not a lot of time to reflect and really edit. It is great advice and definitely something I will watch for in the future.

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. Hope I will be just as good next week!

      1. I wouldn’t have noticed it without the comment, and in fact I personally think in that piece, it actually worked to enhance the tension! There are a lot of excellent writers that swap the POV around!
        I hate to think what I’ve done in my posts! Have a lovely weekend and I look forward to your next post!

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